Finn Norscand Investigates ....

I'm embarking on a new, utterly spellbinding, fast-paced and wonderful detective story/thriller based around a close-knit group of rival birders. The plot is so deep, so complex and so bursting with gripping, fascinating characters that I'm going to start with an introduction to all the people you will encounter as you tread the labyrinth whose title is.... " Finn Norscand Investigates."

Finn Norscand is  our rugged, weather-beaten, tough, forthright, handsome, craggy, youthfully mature, tanned, obsessive, meticulous, multi-skilled, tense, considerate, brilliant, leggy, smoke-piping, belligerent, bearded, winsome, bee-hived, scintillating, over-confident, decisive and omnipresent hero.He has an uncanny ability to ID any bird at 400 metres, and often has to walk some way backwards to get any sort of clue as to what the hell he is looking at..  He hold a secret concealed passion for....

Viola Trumpet.... a winsome,shrinking violet all of 6' 4" tall and 5'7" round who has, single-handed, fought her way to the upper echelons of the birding heirarchy all on her own and single-handed.She has also dabbled with Scrabble, Cross-Dressing, String Quartets, Jam-Making, Undertaking, Overtaking, Overeating, Jousting, digging Wishing Wells, Charity Balls, Shorthand, Handball, Prestidigitation, Press-Ups,  Only having one hand, Viola has never revealed her never revealed obsession with the dark, handsome.....

Griff Gritburger.... a multi-billionaire american  who has sold up everything and has spent the last three weeks following his life-consuming passion, birdwatching. Already he has visited all 7 continents and chalked up a trip list of 433, and is now in the UK to tick the British specialites such as Coal Tit, Merkin, Busticle and Spring Crosby. He is wider than he is tall, richer than his brother , Rich, has knobblier knees than Richmal Crompton and is a world-reknowned expert with a rifle, having held the world rifle-throwing record for the past 14 years. ( 57.32 metres). He lacks recognition skills, but is swotting hard on tricky pairs like Heron/Swift, Red Kite/ Dunnock and Bewick's Swan/Cormorant. He was once married to....

Gwen-Beth Maryland.... a buxom, handsome,winsome, troublesome, toothsome, blowsy, snoozy, dozy, lazy, doolally, clumsy, mumsy, ballsy, clammy, worldy, funny, loopy but utterly brilliant birder who has seen more species of Gannet in the world that anybody else last week.She makes no bones about declaring her hatred of.....

Milo Cheeseburger ..... A stunningly cunning, cutely astute ornithology whizz who has made his way up the ladder of fame by predicting the existence of 12 species of bird, then getting funding for and mounting expeditions and actually finding them!  He and he alone is responsible for the Glaxo-Klein Warbler,  Kenya's now famous Toilet Duck, the beautiful diminutive multi-coloured Wigan  Tattoo Shack Tragopan, the winsome and elusive O'Hanagan's Snack Bar Kentucky Chicken and many more. He nurses his old grandmother and a secret passion for.....

Pamela Alemap ... Pamela is Hawaii's top birder having reached 347 species in her 4 years of island birding. She sure has plenty of leisure time, as the whole Alemap family has made a fortune in a singularly niche market. Yes, in the Palindromic Medication world, the Alemaps are king! Her father, whom she calls Dad, started off with a cleverly targetted "cure" for baldness. It came in the form of a sort of old-fashioned chemistry set with little bottles of ingredients, test tubes, a little paraffin burner.... and the idea was, the purchaser could mix the various chemicals to try to create his own baldness cure!
It was called Baldlab, and sold 300,000 sets in the first month! It seems the heady mixture of schoolboy nostalgia and potential hirsuteness and world fame hit the spot!
Next, in collaboration with his first daughter, Anna, he created a fantastic cure for ill sea fish... and the amazing thing was, it cured not just one ailment, but all of them! That one flew off the shelves... they called it Codoc and true enough, as far as the Cod were concerned, it was like a trip to the doc which worked every time. Ker-Ching!!!!!
They then tried to break into the safari and zoo market with a clever idea... you know how lions are always roaring and getting hoarse... yep, it's a real problem for zoos and suchlike, so they developed a superb, quick acting cure, a soothing, lubricating, tasty drink for the croaky lions.... you all know it as Lionoil, and it has transformed the life of lions all over the world.

Pamela herself helped with the formulation of their latest medication to sooth the aching limbs of busy shoppers... in the stores now, Leg-Gel will solve all your troubles with aching, sore and chafing legs. 

But all this money wasn't enough for plucky Pamela, she wanted to strike out on her own, and sure enough she spotted a gap in the market that targetted busy, on-the-move top birders who needed to get to the latest rarity pronto. She produced the first maps which showed the names of all the pubs at vital road junctions and intersections so they could zip around without need of road numbers and suchlike... and really made her fortune when this was piggybacked onto satnavs. She called the system after her own name, , Pamela's Alemap!

Pamela has been described as  uppity, pernickety, crotchety, tacky, whacky, plucky, cranky, prickly, sickly, yucky, mucky, lucky, larky, dinky and an all-round palindromic sort of girl.Despite having all the money she ever would need, she is desperately in love with..... Finn Norscand!!

All of these characters are holed up in a windswept, unkempt, tax-exempt hotel deep in the wilds of Norfolk, hoping to see the almost mythical Rat-Arsed Creepeater which has supposedly been sighted in nearby Murderer's Spinny.

Who will be the first victim?
Who will be the second victim?
It's not going to be that Anais Mitchell in the music spot is it?

Yes it is. Here she is with "Flowers"  if you want to enlarge it, which you should, you will, I think, need to click the youtube button thingy and watch it actually on youtube... I don't know why, it's a thing that's happened since the new formatting....

Hey, she's good....